Early in our marriage, Margie and I realized how enjoyable it was to have people come to our home for dinner. Sometimes we would invite just a few close friends we hadn’t seen for a while; sometimes we would host family members from out of town; and other times it was great fun introducing neighbors who had never met each other and watching them become friends. As our organization grew, we became great friends with dozens of our colleagues and the dinner parties became almost legendary.
The fare at these get-togethers—everything from sandwiches to backyard barbecues to holiday feasts—was never the important part. It was the camaraderie—the joy of seeing old friends and making new ones.
Margie and I noticed something interesting early on. When everyone was seated at a big table, several small conversations would be going on at the same time. People would talk to the person on their left and the person on their right and that was about it. There’s nothing wrong with that, but we really wanted people to leave the party knowing more about each other than they did before they arrived. We figured out the best way to bring everyone together. It was simple.
At one point during the meal, Margie would give the person seated next to her a jar that contained several small slips of paper. Each person was asked to reach in the jar, take a slip of paper (no peeking), and pass the jar to the next person. When everyone had a paper, they discovered a question they would read aloud and then answer. There was no pressure—people could answer their question in whatever order came up. Some would need time to think about their answer and some just needed a few folks to go ahead of them (or maybe a little wine) to build their confidence.
Every so often we would change the rules and give everyone the same question to answer. Each of these occasions was a memorable time. The questions and answers were more than conversation starters—they were glimpses of people’s thoughts, feelings, and memories that we may have never heard otherwise. The stories told led to other stories, comments, jokes, food for thought, and always laughter.
Here’s a few examples of the questions we had for our dinner guests:
- What’s your best birthday memory?
- What have you learned this year?
- What has brought you joy this year?
- What are you looking forward to?
- What is something you know to be true?
- If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?
- What do you want to do in the future that you haven’t done yet?
But wait—this isn’t just for adult dinner parties. Anyone with school-aged children at home will find that letting the kids pick questions from a jar on family dinner nights is far more interesting, informative, and fun than making them answer the same “How was school?” questions every day. They might even want to make up their own questions and do this activity with their friends.
It’s easy to find websites with lists of questions for just this purpose. We’ve done some of the work for you by providing these links:
Having a jar of table topics on hand is never a bad idea. It’s a great way for everyone at any table to get to know one another a bit better. You just never know what you will learn!